chanson de la semaine

:O

Behind the Clothes: Courtney Love

So, who knew that Courtney Love has the best closet ever, and is also super knowledgeable about fashion history?

greatest rap ever?

So, it's no big secret I am a huge Boardwalk Empire fan. So of course when Erik Weiner, who played the late Agent Sebso (and apparently got the role via viral video), made a rap about the show and his character, I watched it. AND IT'S GREAT. A lot of the cast and crew of the show helped out, and he's clearly on the actual set, so it is amazing. AMAZING.

god bless japan

I feel like this is what happens when you take a lot of hallicinogens. FASHION HALLUCINOGENS.
Also I want to learn the dance.

lana del rey: video games

Vogue literally made me look at this one.
Also: OMG PAAAAAAAAAAAAZ!

alison brie at the gq men of the year awards

Looking good in Mackage, girl! I am especially coveting that clutch, although wtff was going on with the photography at this event? All the pictures were taken by a camera hanging from the ceiling or something. I know a slightly higher angle takes a more flattering picture (at least on me), but this is ridiculous.

Anyway, you might have also heard the horrible news that Community is being shelved for the rest of the season until who knows when. It's not cancelled though, and they are continuing to make episodes, I just have no idea when they're going to air. Apparently NBC really wants Whitney to do well or something (well it's partly because they're moving Up All Night to Thursday, but still one of the crapper shows could have gone), but I still really hate them for their scheduling shenanigans. No wonder no one likes to watch your shows NBC! We have no idea when they're on!!
/end rant

i watched it: hell on wheels

Just finished watching the premiere episode of AMC's Deadwood wannabe Hell on Wheels. And...I kind of liked it guys. I kind of liked it a lot. I will break down its awesomeness for you: One, the main character's name is Cullen Bohannon, which I think is kind of the best name ever. Two, he is pretty badass and I kind of would hit that, lol. Three, Lily Bell, token lady, is also kind of awesome. Four, Colm Meaney (O'Brien!!!!) is kind of really good and hilarious. And five, it is beautifully shot and the costumes are all pretty great.

A lot of people were saying that it takes itself too seriously but I kind of disagree with that. I enjoyed Cullen's joke about his gun, I like the little Irish dudes and their prelude to the Nickelodeon, as I said before Colm Meaney's character is so over the top and hilarious. P.S. Loving Lily's red checked vest with black bow thing.

dear emma stone

Please marry me right now. Oh and this is a set picture of her new film with Sean Penn, Gangster Squad.

That is all.

suitcases of '30s mental patients

Artist Jon Crispin went to the Willard Asylum's museum in Albany and took pictures of the belongings of former patients there. I kind of covet the satchel in Clarissa Bennett's suitcase.
See the rest at his blog, here.

[via The Hairpin]

i now have a twitter

I finally caved and got a twitter (an authority figure told me to!), where you can find all the other odds and bobs that I post around the internet, as well as my random musings. I hate to say it, but I'm liking it a lot more than I thought I would.
Here is my profile page! http://twitter.com/#!/mk_patter

Also I'm working on an online magazine with some gals from school, which you can follow here.

I have a lot of posts I want to write for this one as well (Japan Fashion Week was a couple of weeks and ago, and there was lots of great stuff), I just have to make the time.

craziest sentence in vogue: october 2011 edition

OK, so the September issue (despite it's ridonkulous ad to content ratio), was surprisingly low key and down to earth. There just wasn't the crazy pretention (it helped that there were no articles about plastic surgery, or diets, of course) that I, a pleeb, have become accustomed to within Vogue's hallowed pages.
But don't worry! For October it was back to form!! This little snippet is from "Family Fictions", Jeanne Darst's account of her childhood with her socialite mother and her penniless writer father.

"'I didn't sign up for this sweetheart,' [my mother]'d say to me as she warmed up for her evening weepathon. The first mother I saw like mine was Amanda Wingfield in The Glass Menagerie, going into reveries about her suitors. There was Rodney, the man my mother should have married; she could have had lunch every day at the St. Louis Country Club. He was presumably a bore and a penny-loafer guy. And was named Rodney. Or Chip Boulard, whose family owned the biggest lead company in the world. She could have had the fanciest pencils in all the world, I guess, which, when you're a crossword fanatic as she was, might be no small thing. I spoke French in preschool and now look at me, she seemed to say on a nightly basis."
pg. 180

I have a few things to say about this piece: 1. THESE PEOPLE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE REAL!! 2. There are socialites in St. Louis!? and 3. If I'm being honest, I secretly wish this was my family. But seriously, I can't believe any of these people ever existed.

gillian jacobs at the elle annual women in hollywood tribute

I could almost get behind this. I mean, I am not against pattern clashing in THEORY. But this just doesn't work. That hair! That weird face she's making! The possibly emerald green clutch! Gillian, you are hilarious and you can do much better!

let's talk about boardwalk empire

Image from ladymanson.com

Specifically, how rad Chalky's living room is. The blues and greens together? His wife has got fabulous taste. Also, this week's episode was the best in the series thus far, and this season in general has been so much better than last. Give us more Chalky and Harrow please (seriously if the show was just about them I would be OK with it)!

*Not sure what's going on with Blogger's justifications today, but I can't seem to be able to fix it.

reimagining martin scorsese from harper's bazaar

They are doing Gangs of New York, but I mean, WHO CARES CHRISTINA/JACK FOREVERRRR!!!

So Harper's did an editorial where they recast well known Scorsese movies with modern stars in modern fashions (I'm sure you've seen the Chloe Moretz/Keanu Reeves pics floating around), but this is the best one BY FAR for me: Christina Hendricks and Jack Huston. ONLY TWO OF MY MOST FAVOURITE TV ACTORS EVER (or at least right now, but probably forever, I'm loyal like that and they are just that fantastic). Someone needs to make this pairing happen in something, like yesterday.
/END GUSH

i think i OD'd on beauty last night

Between Alexander McQueen's collection coming out yesterday (and being GORGEOUS, as usual), and watching the trailer for Mania I think I broke my brain on all the pretty.
See the complete collection here and be in awe.

i want to go to there: mania

So, they found an early film by a polish silent film actress named Pola Negri(apparently she got quite well known over here, but was a bit too much of a diva for American audiences) that they thought was lost, and remastered it. AND THE CLOTHES ARE FABULOUS. I mean, I can't even articulate how great they are, so I will let the video do the talking for itself. But around the 1:20 mark is probably peak fabulousness.

paris fashion week: roland mouret and cacharel

Cacharel s/s 2012

Roland Mouret s/s 2012

Ugh, guys. I am so behind on fashion week(s). But these are some of my favourites from Paris! I am a sucker for retro silhouettes and bright colours (especially for spring), so of course Roland Mouret and Cacharel's collections stood out for me. I also have surprisingly a lot of collections that I liked from Milan, because the kind of 50s/60s silhouettes were really big there this year.
See the full Cacharel collection here.
See the full Roland Mouret collection here.

do i covet the crazy hats seen at balenciaga this fashion week?

Why yes, yes I do. Those boots are hideous though (and I don't really like how much of the collection is styled in general, but the HATS).

i watched pan am!

And I'm gonna say it again: It's not Mad Men. It's not even trying to be (unlike The Playboy Club that almost ripped off scenes shot for shot. It's creepy). Pan Am is pretty, and light and fluffy and fun, and very, very stylish. I like all the characters, and it turns out it is a secret girl power show, because they're more like "stewardesses are the independent women of the future!" (which was true to some extent) instead of focusing on how oppressive the job can be (although they do still show the weigh ins and the girdle checks, which were all very, very real). So if you're looking to drool over some clothes and cheesy sets and not have to use your brain too much, add it to your TV roster. If not, stay far, far away and wait until March (!?) for Mad Men to come back.

lena headey at the emmys

I meant to post this last week, but life has been pretty busy. I may or may not be posting this in class when I'm supposed to be doing something else.
But anyway, I love Lena Headey. I would marry her if she would be down with that. So of course I loved her Emmy look. BUT, and listen carefully other TV starlets: You cannot work this look. Only Lena Headey can. So please, don't even try, because you cannot beat the queen of the Seven Kingdoms when it comes to fierceness.
Also, I kind of love her hair.

new show bonanza!

So I watched some of the new fall shows, and wanted to give a rundown.

I managed to catch New Girl online when they released the pilot early last week, and while it suffered from the typical comedy pilot curse of having had all the good bits blasted in our faces during summer promos, it shows great promise. Potential is kind of what you have to look for when watching new comedies, because often it takes a few episodes for a series to really get into its groove (examples: Community, Parks and Rec). And New Girl definitely had that. Zooey Deschanel was really funny, I love her character's little songs (and that the theme song for the show actually is the theme song she makes up), and the dude roommates are funny. Even her model friend was pretty funny. Plus bonus points for lots of cute dresses and glasses on Zooey's part. So I will keep watching.

I also watched Ringer because OMG SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR IS BACK!! And of course if anyone's new show deserves a go, it's Buffy. And, aside from that weird cheap looking boat scene, it's a fairly polished and enjoyable show. It's like Gossip Girl's batshit big sister. So yes, really soapy and crazy, but in a good way. And since SMG's character is pretending to be super rich (or is super rich) the clothes are pretty good times. Plus: CUTE BOYS.
I am a huugggge Will Arnett fan, AND a huge Christina Applegate fan, AND a huge 30 Rock fan, so of course I was on board for Up All Night as soon as I heard that Lorne Michaels was producing this show with these two. I would watch them paint a room together, but their show is actually really good. Arnett is not playing GOB Bluth, Maya Rudolph is pretty hilarious, the jokes are solid, and I like that the show portrays a more realistic set of parents who actually seem to have a really good relationship with each other.

I also watched Free Agents (Because OMG GILES!!! Apparently this season is like, let's bring back everyone from Buffy. Although I kind of wish Anya was in something, because she was kind of my favourite), and this is one I didn't really like. It was trying waaaaay too hard to slick and funny and cool (I mean c'mon, TWO Black Keys songs in one episode?). And I just didn't find it all that funny either. I might give the British show it's based off a go (because apparently Anthony Stewart Head is also the boss in that one too), but I've heard it's far from perfect either.

And finally, I gave The Secret Circle a shot. Full disclosure: I actually quite like The Vampire Diaries (although I always catch up either mid or postseason because my Thursday nights are pretty full, and this show is based on books by the same author. Andddddd I kind of like this too. The heroine is kind of cool in the same way that I find Nina Dobrev's character in Diaries kind of cool because they are not dumb. And they are just kind of like "whoa hey whoa supernatural shit, no". Of course they get sucked in anyway, but still. I appreciate the instinct. This girl is literally like "STAY AWAY FROM ME CRAZY WITCHES" which makes sense, because ONE OF THE GIRLS ALMOST BLOWS HER UP IN HER CAR. As a "test of her powers". Girl, I would not want to hang with them either. But one of them is Thomas Dekker (John Connor!!!), so I will at least watch another episode or so and see if the storyline goes anywhere interesting. Plus I have serious bedroom envy like I did for Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, so that is kind of a good sign.

That is probably a drop in the bucket of the new shows that are coming out this year, but really the only other one I'm thinking about (For fall anyway, I think everything else I've been interested is coming out midseason) is Two Broke Girls, which I always want to call Two Drunk Girls for some reason. I'm not usually hugely into the Chuck Lorre machine that is CBS, but is it worth giving it a shot?

parks and recreation ladies represent on the emmy red carpet

Lookit how cute and sophisticated Aubrey Plaza looks! Look at how great a dress/colour Amy is wearing! WORK IT GIRLS. Also Parks and Rec better bring home some Emmys, because it totally deserves them.

ralph lauren s/s 2012

I always love Ralph Lauren for his retro influences, and for his spring/summer collection he didn't disappoint yet again. It's a lot of pastel and white (and pastels are shaping up to be a really big trend for spring again next year, although a lot of them are a bit more saturated than the pastels in the past, so they're a bit more forgiving to wear), which I usually don't associated with Ralph Lauren, but it's all so chic and breezy. And he always accessorized impeccably. That hat! That bag! The little scarf! I want them all. But especially the hat.
See the complete collection at NY Mag.

rodarte s/s 2012

Full disclosure: I didn't used to be much of a fan of Rodarte. I appreciated the craftsmanship and references of their collections, but I never really saw anything that I could see myself wearing. This has slowly changed over the past few seasons as they have refined and streamlined their look. This collection might be my favourite so far. I love the fabrics, the blues, greens, purples, and golds. This dress in particular is GORGEOUS.
I am not super fond of how they styled it (that hair! so much eyeliner!) but I can look past that. See the complete collection here at New York Magazine.

more from nyfw

Vivienne Tam s/s 2012

Prabal Gurung s/s 2012

The Row s/s 2012

Vivienne Tam has probably been my favourite collection in New York so far. Love her detailing, and colour choices, and patterns, and that there's lots of really great dresses AND separates. And Prabal Gurung's purple collection of course I loved because purple is one of my favourite colours. Although he used some sort of plasticy fabric which I'm not so sure about. The Row's spring collection is entirely white, but I love this take on the kimono. It definitely stood out. I really like Jason Wu's collection as well, but there wasn't just one look that really stood out.

a couple of favourite looks from new york fashion week

Ruffian s/s 2012

Suno s/s 2012

New York Fashion week started the other day, meaning I am awash in the new spring runways. SO MANY. So, I'm trying to boil it down by looks that really caught my eye as opposed to whole collections. So far I really loved Suno's show, for the yellows and prints and stripes. Kind of all of my favourite things in one collection. And Ruffian wins for best bright colours. Although satin + brights was kind of not doing it for me. But this bright yellow and cobalt blue together is kind of one of my favourite colour combos.

anne hathaway on the set of the new batman flick

OK, so I am not sure how I feel about her as Catwoman still. But that outfit? TO DIE. Especially the hat. So if this is the calibre of outfit I can look forward to, then I am kind of down with it now? Shallow, I know.

breaking bad 4.08: jesse's shirt

So, Jesse Pinkman wasn't in this week's Breaking Bad that much, but dang, did he make an impression. THAT SHIRT. It was distracting guys. I can't even remember what he said, that thing is so mesmerizing. And in searching for that picture (which took FOREVER) the quote was there, and he said some pretty great things about douchebags.
Also I found out there is a Breaking Bad fashion blog, which I find hilarious because Walt literally has the worst shoes ever.

craziest sentence in vogue: august 2011 edition

I would also like to point out how hilariously pageanty this cover photo is

This blog may be called "Vogue Made Me Do It" but the reality of this is it's only really recommending sweet period dramas (Downton Abbey!), movies, and books to me. In terms of like, real life advice, Vogue is off in it's super rich fantasy world, which results in some pretty hilarious articles. Since August's issue was the Age Issue, it was of course LOADED with doozies (for example, an article about botoxing your ears, because apparently they get old looking?). This is probably my favourite sentence(s) of the lot though:

"...she orders quiche and salad, I order croque monsieur and salad. No woman wants to outeat her lunch companion, so our chosen dishes arae pleasingly equable as to grossness (animal fats) and healthiness (leaves)...Then she eats a third of the quiche and half the salad." (p. 198)

Clearly, neither of these women have ever eaten lunch with me. I'm pretty sure they'd be appalled. But seriously though, does anyone in their right mind eat THAT LITTLE in a meal? I mean, I can't even get my mind around it. I'm going to assume she had a three course breakfast.

GQ made me do it (again)!

WHEN IS COMMUNITY BACK GUYS? IT'S BEEN SO LONG. /weeps like Troy

i think i just had 100 boners

100 years of fashion in as many seconds (via the hairpin)

costume porn: BBC's The Hour

OOOOOOMMMMG this show is filling the giant Mad Men sized hole in my heart this summer, although I am with the critics in saying that it is really not the same show at all. Tonally, very different, as Mad Men is more of a character piece and The Hour more of a mystery story/workplace drama. Oh and Britain in the '50s is obviously a very different place than New York in the '60s. And a newsroom is nothing like an ad agency. I could go on. But the clooooothes! Ben Whishaw's sweaters and tweeds! McNulty's sleek suits! Romola Garai's general fabulousness! The other lady that works there who covered the war and is awesome and wears sweet Katherine Hepburn trousers and fabulous blouses all day but I don't know her name! It is all SO GOOD.

YAAAY LADY GAGA CRAZYNESS

I have been somewhat sartorially disappointed with all the music videos from Lady Gaga's latest, but this one BRINGS IT. Also it is INSANE. She makes out with her sexy Cry Baby channeling self! IT IS AWESOME. Also it's kind of good this video is so interesting because it is literally my least favourite song on that album.

fuchsia and red -- historically fabulous??

OMG IT'S EVEN MORE FABULOUS THAN I IMAGINED

So I was reading an article in Flare about Balenciaga and how he liked to use fuchsia and red because they were the Spanish royal colours, to which I thought "MOST FABULOUS ROYAL COLOURS EVER" (although purple and royal blue is still great) and because I am a nerd I hopped onto google to find out if this was actually true.

Well, I didn't, but I did find this little tidbit:
"The second grade of monsignor is the Prelate of Honor to His Holiness. This grade was historically associated with the chamberlain of the papal court and today can also be conferred to priests outside of the papal court. A Prelate of Honor to His Holiness, during liturgies, wears a bishop’s choir cassock, which is fuchsia in color with red buttons, piping and cuffs, and a fuchsia sash. Prelates of Honor to His Holiness may also wear a bishop’s black cassock, which also has red buttons, piping and a fuchsia sash." (Link here)

For reference the monsignors were primarily from the 14th century and referred to the time when the Papacy was housed in Avignon, France instead of Vatican City. But anyways, this, combined with the fabulousness of the costumes on The Borgias further convinces me that I was probably like, a cardinal in a past life, because their clothes were DOPE.

In other news, this is a fall colour trend I will definitely try to participate in, because LOVE.

luv huh

I want her shoes. Also I did initially read about her in Vogue and then went to find her music, so Vogue really did make me do it.

japan fall/winter fashion week highlights (boyz and girlz): lot holon, ato & GUT'S DYNAMITE CABARET

GUT'S DYNAMITE CABARET

ato

lot holon

I think I will let the pictures speak for themselves, especially the dude in the Gut's Cabaret coat, because his pose cracks me up. Also Gut's Dynamite Cabaret is possibly the best/weirdest name for anything ever?

important tv hair news!

Lafayette has a mohawk! Looks like a relationship agrees with him because he was looking a little chunky last season too. Go girl!
Also, Pam was looking fierce, as usual.

ergo proxy's re-l

I have to say, the whole all black matrix suit (but kind of more chic than anything in the matrix?) and swath of blue eyeshadow (which she seems to have infinite quantities of, of course) is fierce as hell.
Oh, and it's a really good anime too!

game of thrones finale recap 1:10 "fire and blood"

I won't lie -- I peed a lot for this one. So much epicness has been set up, and has a super fan of the book series, it was really everything I could have hoped for.

King’s Landing

It’s official: Ned has lost his head. Yoren bundles Arya up, carries her to an alley, tells her to act like a boy, and chops off her hair. He plans to take her North, out of the city. Sansa remains trapped in Joffrey’s creepy court, where he has a bard’s tongue cut out for singing a bawdy (awesome) song about how Robert Baratheon was whipped and that the Lannisters killed him. That done, he’s finished with court for the day and leaves the rest to his mother. He then takes Sansa out to see her father’s head out on the battlements. He tells her charming things like how he’s going to pack a baby in her as soon as it’s physically possible, and hits her by proxy (as this is much more gallant you see). She contemplates jumping off the small wooden bridge they’re on and taking Joffrey with her, but the Hound (now a member of the Kingsguard in case you didn’t notice his armour) stops her and tells her to give Joffrey what he wants. And gives her a hanky for her bloody lip.

It turns out that Cersei is now banging Bad Hair Lancel Lannister, and that war is now official. Also doddering old Grand Maester Pycelle is banging Roz, and we get some more sexposition while he talks about how he knew the Mad King Aerys. As it turns out, the old coot is spryer than he seems too, though I’m not exactly sure what to do with this information. Baelish and Varys spar again! Yay! They only do this because they love each other’s deviousness of course.

Yoren tells Arya she’s now Arry the Orphan Boy, and she better not forget it if she doesn’t want to be turned in for a pardon or even better, first raped and then turned in for a pardon. She almost immediately gets picked on by the bullies in the group, but she shows them. Sword style. Plus Gendry (!! Robert’s bastard in case you forgot) steps in and helps her out. And he still has his bull helm.

Winterfell

Bran has the dream about the three eyed crow again, only this time it’s telling him to go to the crypt to see his father. So he gets Osha to help him get down there, and she’s scared to do so for some reason (too many dead bodies coming back to life beyond the Wall, I suppose), and Bran tells her about his grandfather and aunt and their tragic ends. They also find little Rickon and his feral direwolf hiding down there because he had the same dream as Bran. They don’t literally find him there of course, but when they come back up Winterfell’s maester is there with the news of Ned’s death.

Catelyn has also heard the news and escapes the camp to grieve but finds her son in the woods, not taking it well. He vows to kill all the Lannisters in his mother’s arms, but she reminds him that they have to get his sisters back first.

Robb’s bannermen discuss siding with Renly, but Robb is of the same mind of his father – the throne should go to Stannis. The Greatjon cares nothing for either of them, and suggests the North should become an independent kingdom again, with Robb as its king. Even Theon Greyjoy bends the knee to this. Catelyn then goes to see Jaime Lannister in their makeshift prison, where he makes some pretty smart comments (he’s clearly learned something about being a prisoner from his little bro) and Catelyn bashes him in the face with a rock. He almost looks sad sitting there tied up to a tree. But he’s honest with Catelyn and tells her everything about Bran’s fall except what he saw.

The Lannister camp

The Lannisters and their allies are also taking stock in the wake of Ned’s death. They too realize there can be no peace now. Tywin is almost mad with the loss of Jaime, but he starts to notice the talents of his younger son, now that it looks like he might be stuck with just him. Tywin decides to regroup at Harrenhall with the rest of his men while he sends Ser Gregor out to terrorize the countryside. More interesting, he sends Tyrion to court as Hand to control the situation there in his stead. He tells him not to bring Shae, though. Shae is upset at this news, but Tyrion has no intention of following that command.

The Wall

OK never mind, it looks like Jon is going to desert. Sam tries to stop him, but gets knocked over instead (he’s almost the Chris Pratt of GoT). Jon is out galloping in the woods when he hears what he thinks are senior Night’s Watchmen pursuing him, but he stops and turns around when he hears Sam’s squeals as he gets knocked off his horse (Oh Sam). It turns out he IS being pursued by Night’s Watchmen, but it’s his friends, not like, the commander. They remind him not just of his duty but that he has people he loves there as well. And they need him more.

Turns out Commander Mormont knows about Jon’s midnight ride, but he doesn’t seem to care since he came back. Apparently it’s not uncommon for someone to run away for the night, although usually they head straight for the nearest brothel. Also it turns out Mormont needs every man in the Watch, as he’s about to mount a campaign beyond the Wall. Not only are dead men walking and ancient evils stirring, but the Wildings also seem to be banding together as well. And the Lord Commander would much rather not sit around waiting for any of these things to kill him.

The Dothraki “Horde”

Dany awakens and finds out her son was born deformed, and did not live because they entered the tent. The khalesar has left because they will only follow strength, leaving her with one bloodrider, Ser Jorah, and a couple handfuls of slaves with nowhere else to go. Despite her sacrifice, all that remains of Drogo is a slobbering sack of meat. Mirri Maz Dur reveals her treachery, that she knew what she was doing when she cast that spell, and Dany is furious and heartbroken. She tries desperately to find her husband inside his shell, but he’s not there. She says her goodbyes and smothers him with a pillow. He doesn’t even fight her.

Dany burns her husband’s body on a pyre, and Dany sends him off with her dragon’s eggs. Oh, and Mirri Maz Dur. And herself. Jorah tries to convince her not to. She frees her slaves and proclaims herself the dragon’s daughter, but some still leave. Then she steps into the pyre. No one seems to know what to make of this until they awake in the morning and find Daenarys still very much alive. Naked and covered with soot….and DRAGONS. After several hundred years, the dragon eggs have hatched, and Dany is now Mother of Dragons. Everyone there bows, and Jorah and Rhekaro proclaim themselves her bloodriders. And…SCENE.

Randoms

• Outfits of the week: Sansa and Daenarys. I'm not sure if Dany was wearing her wedding dress (I remember it being purple, not blue), but it's certainly not a coincidence either way. Also did you notice that Sansa is no longer wearing the locket Joffrey gave her? Although she is dressed a lot like Cersei in previous episodes (before her husband's death she wore a very similar pink dress a lot), which I also don't think is a coincidence, being the future Queen and all.
  

• Line of the week: “Do you fear my gash” On Varys, you and Petyr Baelish should bring that show on the road. You’re like Westeros’ very own Abbott and Costello.

• I realize I stopped counting boobs and blood, because honestly, WHO CARES. Also the “sexposition” as it’s come to be called is kind of hilarious. And Deadwood did it too. Constantly. Most of Swerengen’s monologues occurred mid-fellatio. So it’s not like HBO’s never done it before.

chrissie and zooey

Two of my favourite people! Looking fabulous! And special kudos to Christina, who for some reason still rarely gets it right. I don't remember where they are, because I was just too excited about this picture. Some sort of TV Critics awards, where it looks like Christina picked up a statue! Anyway, Mad Men is still not gonna be back this year though. TEARS.
Also: Zooey's new comedy this fall (or maybe winter? who the eff knows these days) looks like it's gonna be great.

game of thrones recap 1.09: "baelor"

Joffrey only pulls out the good stuff for executions

It’s the penultimate episode this week, the second to last, the one that all readers of the series have been expecting all season. And I think they did good. I know I definitely cried the first time I watched it. The shit has not only hit the fan this episode but now it’s flying all over the room. PLUS a Salon reviewer has rewatched all 9 current episodes at once, and has taken back his initial reservations about the series. There may even have been comparisons to Deadwood. So ha! Suck it haters!

The Twins

Robb has reached the Twins, the gateway to the South and the Riverlands, which is where the Lannisters are doing their terrorizing. There is no way to get across without the permission of the lord there, Walder Frey, who is known to be quite…mercenary, to say the least. It’s too dangerous for Robb to go alone, and would be seen as an attack if he went with guards, so Catelyn goes instead, as she has the least value as a hostage.

Frey is a delightfully cranky old coot with a million children and a new 15 year old wife. He’s also pricklier than a cactus and sees everything as a slight. Frey knows he has the upper hand here, because if he just leaves the Northmen there the Lannisters will have no problem picking them off, and he’ll prove his loyalty to the crown, where he has nothing really to gain from letting them cross for nothing. Luckily his pride is possibly bigger than Tywin Lannister’s, and he wants nothing more than a marriage alliance with a major house. So Catelyn rides back with not only permission to cross, but a Frey alliance. But it’s at a fairly high cost – both Arya and Robb are to marry one of those sad looking Freys. Theon can’t help but chuckle when Robb tries to find out if all the Frey girls are ugly (they are), but he has no choice but to consent to their terms, and the Northmen are able to continue their march south.

The Wall

Lord Commander Mormont gives Jon his family sword (instead of Jorah!!) as thanks for saving his life. Mormont even sends Ser Alliser south to tell the King of their troubles up there, and to keep him and Jon off each other’s throats. There’s a cute moment in the kitchens where all Jon’s friends chant to play with Jon’s shiny new sword, reminding us all how young they are. Sam has something he doesn’t want to tell Jon too, but of course he caves and tells Jon about Robb marching south. Jon is of course despondent for not being at his brother’s side.

Maester Aemon then summons Jon to help him feed the ravens (which looks gross), and reminds him of his duty, because he knows that Sam would tell him the news. He tells him that “love is the death of duty”, which is why the Night’s Watch is not allowed to have families, and also reveals his own true identity – that of Aemon Targaryen. And when his entire House went down in flames in Robert’s rebellion, there was nothing he could do, because not only was he bound to the Watch, but he was old and blind already. Jon’s face is kind of priceless as he realizes this. But this story definitely seems to school him, because we don’t see Jon Snow running for his horse this time.

The Dothraki Horde

Khal Drogo is not looking good at all (zombie makeup anyone?) and falls from his horse. The bloodriders of course give Daenarys lip for being a woman, but ultimately do as she commands and make camp. Drogo is by now feverish and raving, his wound now a festering mess. He is most likely dying. Dany refuses to accept this, and Jorah tries to convince her to leave, because she and her child will most likely be killed by Drogo’s rivals in the fighting that will ensue after his death. He reminds her they are a people who do not honour blood, only strength, and while she’s stronger than she’s ever been, she’s not strong enough for that. Or at least not strong enough in the right way. She still refuses to leave. The lippy bloodrider blames the healer again, and Dany actually stands up for herself (!!) and saves Mirri maz Duur from a beating again.

Dany begs the healer woman to use the magic the Dothraki keep saying she possesses to cure the Khal, to bring him back to life. But this is blood magic she’s asking for, and the Khal’s horse is summoned to give his life for his master’s. The Dothraki are terrified, but Daenarys is resolute. Everyone must leave the tent, including herself, and no one can enter lest they interrupt the spell. Scary noises start coming out of there, and the lippy bloodrider knocks Dany over and tries to enter the tent. Luckily, Jorah is suited up and takes the bloodrider out, knight style. But the fall has induced labour, and the Dothraki midwives refuses to tend to their khaleesi now she has summoned blood magic, so Jorah unwittingly brings her into the tent where the maegi is.

The Lannister Camp

Tyrion has dinner with his father, who tells him he and his mountain tribesmen will be in the vanguard in the coming battle (that’s the very front, in case you’re wondering). Tyrion is of course not too happy with this death sentence. But all is not so bad! Bronn found him a pretty whore (and by found, we of course mean took from some other dude)! And not just pretty, but also possibly French! And mysterious! Shae was not really like this in the books at all, but I have to say I don’t really mind the change. She’s much more interesting this way. Tyrion makes her an offer she can’t refuse (his company? What lady can say no to that? Eff the gold!) and she goes to town on him.

Later, Bronn, Shae and Tyrion play sleepover games over wine. No seriously. They literally play Truth or Dare. It’s awesome. Tyrion nails Bronn, but Shae he can’t pin down. She’s also wearing Tyrion’s leather jerkin, which is adorable. Then the tables get turned and Tyrion is the one who winds up with Truth, and we all get the story of Tyrion’s teenage marriage. He married a common girl when he was 16, which of course did not sit well with “The House Comes First” Tywin. Jaime reveals the girl to be a whore, and Tywin has her take a turn with all of his guards for a silver each and makes Tyrion watch. Bronn of course says he would kill any man who did that to him, and Shae chastises him for not knowing she was a whore, but apparently she still finds the story endearing because Tyrion gets more loving, and Bronn awkwardly makes his exit.

Tyrion wakes up the next morning hungover, to the sounds of battle. So he suits up by himself (cuz Daddy’s too cheap to get him a squire), Bronn gives him the hilarious advice to “stay low”. Tyrion pumps up the mountain folk with a speech, and then immediately gets knocked on the head with a battle hammer and trampled a bit. He wakes up in his little lion armour, the battle over, dazed but alive. The Lannisters have won, but there were only 2000 Stark men, not 20,000 like the scouts said. That’s because while Tywin was busy preparing for the 20, 000, Robb took the rest and ambushed Jaime Lannister and his 100 men. Jaime, like Tyrion, is a pretty glib hostage. Jaime tries to take Robb mano a mano, but Robb’s not stupid enough to fall for that one. And so our young Stark seems poised to take over the story as its hero.

King’s Landing

Varys pays Ned another cell visit, and tells us all a little bit about his childhood – he used to be part of an acting troupe(which explains so much) but he still refuses to let Ned free even though he probably could. Instead he again counsels Ned to take back what he said about Joffrey’s parentage, proclaim his loyalty to the crown, tell his son call off his army, and then Cersei will allow him to take the Black and serve out the rest of his days in the Night’s Watch. Varys again counsels for peace, as this is really the only way to achieve it. Ned however, is not afraid of dying, but Varys reminds him that the Lannister have Sansa, and it will be she who suffers for his honour.

Arya is out on the streets of King’s Landing, just another beggar child catching pigeons and not understanding how to barter. Some other street children tell her that her father is being brought to the Sept and she scurries after them and gets a good vantage point on a statue of Baelor the Blessed. Ned even sees her and yells to Yoren of the Night’s Watch that she’s there as he passes him in the crowd. Ned actually IS there to confess his ‘treason’, exactly as he’s been counselled so many times to do. But despite that, Joffrey calls for his head anyone, completely to the surprise of his mother and counsellors. Ser Illyn takes Ned’s head, and the little psycho starts his rein with civil war.

Randos

• I hate to say it, but outfit of the week goes to Cersei and Joffrey, whose cape/coat deal was pretty dope. Although Sansa’s blue dress looks a lot better with a big silver belt.

• “Penetrate the enigma that is me” Oh Tyrion.

• Also: if you have ever wondered what a Tyrion/Bronn buddy comedy would look like, it’s this.

• Theories on Shae’s background: she is actually noble, but left to explore the world and possibly avoid a marriage to an old man, and actually enjoys being a whore, OR she was sold to a brothel at a very young age and trained to be a very good whore like Dany’s hand maiden, but she somehow escaped. But she still does actually enjoy her profession.